Love Me Don’t: The very worst of The Beatles

Much has been written about that tour and that band. In fact, if you laid out every Beatles book it would likely fill Strawberry Fields forever.

Melbourne writer and musician Michael Witheford knows there are countless Beatles’ paperback writers. “There are so many hagiographies, and every guy who was a roadie for a year has written a book,” he notes.

Witheford is a big fan, but for his book on John, Paul, George and Ringo, he took a different approach: What are the worst Beatles songs?

“I’m not exactly picking a serious fight here,” Witheford writes in his introduction, though The Very Worst of The Beatles is sure to fire up the Fab Four fanatics.

Witheford – a member of popular ’80s/’90s band The Fish John West Reject – says the Beatles’ “worst” is “still a modest percentage of the whole [but] there’s no point pretending that all of it was fit for human consumption”.

He admits that the song selections are “just one man’s opinion – and my opinion’s no more valid than anyone else’s. But hopefully I’ve turned that opinion into something that’s entertaining.”

Witheford believes Ian MacDonald’s Revolution in the Head is the ultimate Beatles book. “He goes through every song. This is a kind of MacDonald-for-idiots book.”

What was the first Beatles record you bought?

“I don’t actually remember the first one I bought, but when I was eight or nine, there’d be a Christmas party at friends of my parents, and the kids would go to the rumpus room. We’d listen to Beatles 45s on an old record player. I loved them all. I didn’t really know which ones came first. It was just all good. Then I found a reel-to-reel tape recorder at home with a bunch of Beatles songs on it. And I’d sit in the kitchen listening to them over and over.”

From what you’ve written, it sounds like Revolver is your favourite Beatles album, and Let It Be is your least favourite. Is that right?

“I think Revolver is the artistic peak – not Sgt. Pepper’s, which is overblown – and Let It Be is the sloppiest, most unworthy LP. George Martin wasn’t involved and when it was finally released, they’d got Phil Spector in and he drowned some OK songs in strings. Across the Universe is a particular victim.

“The band just hated one another at the time, and it shows. The rooftop gig at Apple was kind of the moment when they returned to the good old days and put the politics aside, for the last time.

“Somehow, they managed to organise themselves for Abbey Road soon after, which is one of the top three Beatles LPs in my opinion. I’ve always wondered how they did that. Back to the question! I probably listen to Help more than Revolver. There are songs I appreciate as culturally groundbreaking which I don’t especially like listening to. Tomorrow Never Knows, for example.”

You decided to list the songs chronologically and not in order of “worseness”. What are the “top” three worst Beatles songs, in your opinion?

“Tough ask. Off the top of my head, there’s a Carl Perkins cover, Honey Don’t, which is desperately bad. It had been a very long day working on songs for Help and the band sound exhausted. They recorded a few Perkins songs, which they’d played in the early days in Hamburg. I’d suggest that if you want to listen to Carl Perkins’ songs, listen to Carl Perkins. Ringo’s first song, Don’t Pass Me By, on the White Album, is absolute rubbish. And I can’t deal with Let It Be. It’s far inferior as a ballad to The Long and Winding Road – even the Spector version.”

And what are the best Beatles songs? What are your three faves?

“I have a soft spot for the B-side to She Loves You, a little-known song called I’ll Get You, written in 1962. It has a really sweet melody and it’s a true 50/50 Lennon/McCartney tune. I remember loving it when I heard it as a kid and still play it all the time. I like And Your Bird Can Sing and Come Together, but it’s very hard to pick. Can I cheat and namecheck the whole medley on Side 2 of Abbey Road?”

You also write about the worst covers of the worst Beatles songs (“those perfect storms of musical evil”). What have been your favourite covers of Beatles songs?

“The best is Joe Cocker’s With a Little Help From My Friends. It encapsulated the whole promise of Woodstock. I don’t really dig Cocker that much but it’s an amazing performance; a time capsule of the ’60s. Fiona Apple’s Across the Universe is perfect. Come Together by Michael Jackson is pure excitement. Shirley Bassey’s The Fool on the Hill is pretty good, if only for the outfit she wears on the TV.”

Are you more of a McCartney man or a Lennon man?

“I’d say McCartney, but that’s actually largely due to what he did after The Beatles. That colours my judgment a bit. Songs like Maybe I’m Amazed and Jet are some of my favourites of all time. As far as their Beatles career, I think they were equally capable of greatness and making a pudding of things.”

What’s your favourite Beatles book?

“Revolution in the Head by Ian MacDonald is streets ahead. It examines the songs chronologically in minute detail on several fronts. He’s a musicologist so he talks now and then about chord changes etc, but that doesn’t put you off. It makes you want to listen to the songs more closely, and you can hear what he’s talking about. He makes a lot of very controversial judgments on songs and what was going on inside the heads of the band and society in general. Ultimately, he’s way more critical than me, but still a fan. It’s not an easy read, but very rewarding.

“Mark Lewisohn’s The Complete Beatles Recording Sessions is good for trainspotters. It’s just a massive reference book. Every recording session; on what day; at what time; how many takes; which guest artist appeared on which song; who played bongos.

“Hunter Davies’ The Beatles is an early biographical piece that still stands up.”

Finally, what’s next? A worst of the Beatles solo?

“A worst of The Beatles solo would certainly fill a book twice as big as the current one. There are entire albums that are bad from start to finish, let alone particular songs.”